The last few years
Hi! It’s been a long while. Life changed things up for me so here’s the story…
In 2017, I left a full-time job making great money to pursue blogging full-time. I had developed chronic migraines and was in so much pain ALL of the time that I had become withdrawn and pretty depressed. My partner and I had many conversations about me leaving the job and him supporting us, what that would look like, and how much I wanted to start a blog. He was super supportive… until he wasn’t.
He became very distant and within three months told me he couldn’t pay the bills alone but he wanted me to continue what I was doing. So, I pushed through every day to the point that I was having daily migraines, and gaining weight, and I was miserable. When I tried to talk about things, I was dismissed and made to feel guilty about not making any money. I was put down and made to feel very small by the same person who said they loved me and wanted the best for me and encouraged me to do this.
In the summer of 2019, I gave him the option of working on things or leaving. He left. I had zero money or income. And me being me, I just muscled through and got a job. Still had chronic migraines. Still depressed. Still miserable.
The jobs I had were so physically demanding that I would just collapse when I got home. These were not difficult jobs, I was just that out of shape and mentally drained. I had no energy to create anything or write a blog post. Creating was the last thing on my mind. I was in survival mode.
I tried again in 2020 and 2021 to make a go of the blogging thing and I just didn’t have the same passion anymore. I managed design teams, started a challenge blog, and made SVG files. It was all busy work for me. I struggled to get cards made that I liked. I struggled with ideas for everything. I stayed busy instead of dealing with the issues. I stayed busy instead of confronting myself and healing the hurt.
In 2022 and 2023 I started to listen to my body and the swirl of mess in my head. I started reading self-help books but not the cheery, everything will be okay ones. More like the kind of books that make you think about accountability and how I could change my future by putting my past into perspective. I found a better job that paid the bills and wasn’t super stressful. My migraines started to subside. I started going places again. I started to heal.
Healing is an ongoing process but it does not happen in the dark or alone. So here I am sharing a small part of my story.
A few nights ago I sat down at my craft table and made three cards. I just snapped a quick picture of them. I colored, die-cut, stitched, foiled, and embossed!
It was the first time in almost 5 years I wanted to make something and enjoyed it.
Here’s to starting over!
